Change is scary right? Yes, it is scary. Having a fear about changes that happens in your life is normal. I have that fear too.
But I realized that change is something that is inherent in life. I think having expectation that nothing changes in your life is quite naive. Something will change in your life. For good or for bad. The question is how you will deal with it.
There is something unnatural about being comfortable all the time. People searches for comfort. That is not necessarily bad, but staying comfortable all the time is almost impossible if you want to be a better person. Being uncomfortable is necessary from time to time. So change is good for you, even though you’ll feel uncomfortable by it. Don’t fight it. Embrace it.
PS: by the way, I write this for myself so I can calm myself.
- You only live once
- It’s too damn short
So: only do something that you like and be around people who won’t bring you down.
Lately, I’ve done some rethinking about how I see fandom. I used to think that being fanboys and fangirls are kinda useless. “Why would you devote some precious time span of your life to people who you don’t know well?”, I thought then. But I’ve changed my mind. Being a fan of someone or some people is not always that useless. Yes, most of the fanboys are fangirls can act like brainless zombies sometimes (adding brainless to zombies seems redundant by the way), but good fanboys and fangirls may have learnt something during their fandom:
- Learning to be a better person. When you’re fanboy-ing or fangirl-ing someone who you also find attractive, your mind sometimes goes something like this: “Ow man, I wish she’s my girlfriend” or “That guy is totally my ideal husband”. These things may be fantasies that will NEVER come true, but these are real motivations that will push you to be a better person. You might use that motivation to be the person who your idol will deserve.
- Learning to use your devotion. Fanboys and fangirls usually goes the distance to please and show their love to their idols. Whether it’s arriving early to the concert or sending thoughtful and sweet letters to their idols, these are gestures of sacrifices that can brighten one’s day. When you know how to do that, you’ll also learn to apply them to people around you.
- Learning to not be selfish. There’s a big chance that someone who you’re not the only fanboy or fangirl. You’ll learn to share the person you’re idolizing with people around you. I just love seeing how the group of these fanboys and fangirls become friends which suddenly means more than the fandom itself.
I think if you’re fanboy-ing or fangirl-ing some people, you should not be ashamed of it. Being fanboy and fangirl somehow release some energy that you can use to improve yourself. Plus, it is fun to be a fanboy or fangirl. As long as you’re not being too possessive and obsessed about it, I think you’ll be okay. The thing is when you feel that the fandom does not make you feel happy, then you should stop being a fanboy or fangirl, but if this fandom makes you jump out the bed in the morning and try to seize the day, then you’re a good fanboy or fangirl.
There’s a lot going on in my mind in the past weeks. If you’re worried, then I can assure you that it’s nothing big. It’s just a risk of being an introvert and a person who didn’t talk much. You tend to be a philoshoper when you spend most of your time struggling with your own mind. But yesterday, this song from Kina Grannis came to my mind. It’s called “Message from my heart”. It kinda reminds me that you always has this relationship with your heart. When you’re sad or happy, when you’re succeeding or failing, it’s your heart who will feel the consequence first. The bridge of the song goes like this “I don’t work for free, please take care of me”. That is the heart speaking. Sometimes it’s in your best interest to take care your own heart.
